Religious trauma: Is this real? Am I going crazy?

Content advisory: mentions of church sexual abuse scandals, religious-based fear

The short answer: Yes, this is real. No, you are not going crazy. You are having a reasonable, self-protective response to trauma, injustice and systemic oppression. I know this because I have been there, friend. The pain is so real. I see you. I hear you. And I’m so glad you’re here.

When you think about religious trauma, what comes to mind? Headlines around sexual abuse within the Catholic Church first emerged in the early 2000s, when I was in my late teens, still active in church (I was raised in the Church of Christ). More recently, sexual abuse accusations have branched into Protestant denominations - and these are only the instances that have been reported and publicized.

No doubt the survivors of sexual abuse have experienced life altering trauma as a result of their experience. They need our attention and validation. At the same time, as more people of Gen X, Millennials and Gen Z leave religion, attention is turning toward other sources of religious-based trauma. Social scientists, exvangelicals and those questioning religion for the first time are validating what so many of us have known for generations of our lived experience - that indoctrinating children with messages of unconditional love alongside imagery of eternal, conscious torment, literal hellfire and perpetual separation from God, is traumatic unto itself. We’re to question what “the world” tells us, while never questioning a book written by men, for men, thousands of years ago. We’re told to “doubt our doubts” and never question those in authority, while witnessing women, queer folx and people of color - especially BIPOC communities - experience genocide and victimization endorsed and perpetuated by those very authority figures.

So many of us took to heart that the “fruit of the spirit” includes things like love, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience and self-control. How do we then reconcile the violence, misogyny, homophobia, racism, toxic nationalism and xenophobia people have justified using scripture and church tradition for millennia?

For many of us, the answer is, we don’t. We simply cannot. This cognitive dissonance causes an often unspeakable pain - pain we literally cannot speak without risking our relationships with family, friends and community. We become trapped inside our internal conflict. We need family and community to survive - and we have to bury our authentic, compassionate, loving selves to maintain these connections. To survive.

Incongruence between the Self and the version we have present to those closest to us is deeply painful. This is well-known. Having to deny our truth, keep the peace and avoid eternal consequences leads to depression, anxiety, fatigue, panic and, yes, trauma. Religious-based intrusive thoughts, obsessions and compulsions are common. Nightmares happen often. Suicidal thoughts are sometimes the extension of having to live this way.

We cannot change the people in our lives. We can spend our whole lives waiting, and hoping, while still suffering. We can, however, protect ourselves from further pain by focusing on ourselves - and seeking help. Counseling for religious-based trauma with someone who uniquely understands the pain of religious-based anxiety and depression can be a powerful, healing tool.

I know it can be scary to say these things out loud. I know that expressing our doubts can feel like a betrayal of our families and communities - you are not alone in this. And you no longer have to heal alone.

Reach out and let’s talk about what it’s like to be queer, questioning and confused. To be marginalized, ostracized and terrified. We can talk about a path forward that celebrates and embraces YOU, exactly as you are.

I can’t wait to get started.

Ready? Call or text me today at 602-755-4429 to talk about how I can help. I serve clients in Phoenix, AZ in-person, and virtually throughout Arizona.